Wednesday, December 21, 2011

#280 - Imaginarium

LaFevre can imagine it happening.
Imagining is easy, happening is not.

#279 - Up To Speed

If you can’t keep up, I can’t keep bringing you up to speed.

#278 - Ejukayshunal Prosess

One of LaFevre’s favorite hobbies is the process of education, learning new stuff all the time; and also educating others, but not in a way that makes others feel uneducated, or uninformed. As in, insulting along the way.

#277 - I Think Not

LaFevre has occasionally had run-ins with individuals he has corrected, for the same mistake, more than once. So it has been said, that these individuals think he doesn’t think very highly of them. LaFevre has only one thing to say:

It’s not that I don’t think very highly of you;
it’s more like, I don’t like having to think for you, over and over.

#276 - Toner Wash

Don’t ever feel like you’re guilty when not recycling toner cartridges. Everything else, maybe, but toner, no. Here’s why: you’re influenced to think you should order remanufactured toner cartridges, called remans, or remaxes, because it’s good for the environment. And, it saves you money, while making money for someone else in the process. It’s bullshit. New cartridges are the only way.

But here’s the deal – new cartridges that are recycled, can only be used once, according to industry standards. If you turn in a used cartridge, you get maybe 5% of the original cost. The recycling company sells these cartridges to remanufacturers at a 20-30% markup. Then these remanufacturers refill the cartridges, sometimes without cleaning the cartridge, or repairing worn parts, then resells these cartridges at an additional 20% markup, which is basically only 20% less than an original cartridge. The problem is, more often than not, they leak in your printers, necessitating a service call; at which time, the technician lays on you a bullshit line about being charged extra, since the warranty doesn’t cover service calls that involve remanufactured toner cartridges. They only back down when you call them on that warranty; as in, the warranty covers the machine, not the cartridge.

Do yourself a favor: when the cartridge is done, throw it out. You will be doing someone else a favor by not having it leak in their printer, requiring a service call. And, cheap, fly-by-night recyclers won’t make any money in the process. Stick to the originals. OEM’s. HP.

Monday, November 28, 2011

an excerpt from "My Chequered Life", the LaFevre autobiography

You can’t have a book coming out of San Francisco without a section dedicated to the unfortunate natural disaster that occurred here in 1989. The Loma Prieta earthquake. Or any other shaker, for that matter. Luckily, I was more fortunate than others. My home was on solid rock. A lot of SF is. And a lot of SF isn’t. Half the city is built on sand. Half of downtown is landfill. The majority of the damage was on landfill, but of a different type. The financial district was built on landfill with stringent architectural requirements in place, and different materials. It was assumed in the event of a major earthquake, all the glass from the highrises would immediately break and fall. It didn’t happen. Thanks to code. Unfortunately, the landfill along the northern side of SF (Marina), wasn’t built for permanent use. Unlike downtown who’s pillars went 100 feet down into actual rock, the Marina was filled in with trash as a temporary deal, for the 1939 World Expo. After, it was decided to be used for housing. Big mistake. Then again, it was 1939. It was still water back in 1906. Nothing to go by as far as research. Back to 1989. Liquefaction. Landfill turned to quicksand. Homes costing millions because of the bay views, reduced to mush. Like my bowl of oatmeal.

I was working at the SFJCC at the time. Even though I’m born & raised here, and never tripped on earthquakes, usually riding them like a wave, this time I ducked under the table. Not because it’s what you’re supposed to do in this type of situation, but because the light fixtures hanging by chains, were swaying back and forth. It was 5:04pm. And off from work. I ran home immediately (five blocks away). Luckily, there was no damage. Even the beer bottles that I had lined the tier that ran the perimeter of my living room, had survived, sans five. Out of 50. Not bad for a shaker and no bottles falling off a ledge measuring four inches. I was stunned. My day was not over, though. Part Two was just beginning.

I was scheduled for a shift at KRQR that night. Midnight to 5am. But it wasn’t your normal shift. I don’t know why and who knows why, but the Music Director was the scheduled DJ in that timeslot…on the record. She also had the obvious responsibilities as the Music Director that required her presence during the workday. I think it was a money-saving deal. It worked. Up until the earthquake. Since the music list was printed two days in advance, by her, she would take the list for her day and shift time, and record voice tracks between the music; adding in promo spots and public service announcements. I suppose the station could have simply used someone like me to run pre-recorded ID’s and promos throughout the shift, but I guess if they could have, they would have. My guess is, it wasn’t allowed, per FCC regulations. Being a union shop may have been a factor. But, then again, I did the overnight board operations as a silent DJ Monday through Friday at KOIT. Maybe KOIT was non-union. Being a major market station, I seriously doubt it.

Anyway, my job was to silent DJ this overnight shift, playing the music, and running her pre-recorded voice tracks where indicated. I realized immediately, her DJ skills suffered in the wake of her other duties as Music Director. There were regular inconsistencies with her voice tracks. Back-announcing music that hadn’t played yet, listing songs out of order from the music list, etc. From that point, I started screening the whole reel against the list, before starting the shift. I juggled the songs to match her back-announcing, splicing out certain sections that didn’t match the format altogether. I made it work. After all, I was the best. Most-requested by all the on-air talent. My shit was tight. But this time, the recordings were rendered moot. You can’t run recordings that sound as if nothing happened seven hours earlier. This was major news.

After securing the home front, I still had seven hours before my shift. I saw the news about the devastation in the Marina district. My district was secure. I wanted to help. Even if it was for only a few hours. I hopped on my bike and crossed the hill down to the Marina. Fires raged. Power was out. I had my flashlight with me. I secured my position at a major intersection, and directed traffic for five hours. I knew it would die down later on, enabling me to move on to my midnight shift at KRQR. I wouldn’t find out until years later, after taking the N.E.R.T. (Neighborhood Emergency Response Team) course provided by the SF Fire Department, that it basically came about because of the huge support provided by civilians on that fateful day.

With power lines down, and water mains broken, fire hoses had to run many blocks farther from where the fires were. Civilian bystanders jumped in and assisted with running the hoses and maintaining the lines. The SF Fire Department, realizing the staff shortage, created the N.E.R.T. program. It’s sole purpose: to act as a backup to neighborhoods in the event of a disaster, and in situations where Fire Department access would not be timely. For the record, LaFever is officially a San Francisco Fire Department-certified N.E.R.T. member. And CPR-certified, as well, through a company program.

On to KRQR. Already in progress, KRQR was broadcasting their sister station, KCBS, from down the hall, on their channel. Ah, the benefit of synergy. I took over the board from the previous DJ. Didn’t have to do anything. An hour later, the Program Director calls on the hotline. No biggie. How could I do anything wrong when we were running another station. It would be my shining moment. All 15 seconds of it. KRQR was a union shop. AFTRA. I was non-union. He told, “I doubt we’ll have to broadcast KCBS the entire night. If they go to interviews with the general public like they’re doing on television as we speak, switch back to KRQR, go on-air, explain if there are any further developments, we’ll inform you, do a station ID, and go into music. And run pre-recorded ID’s for the remainder of the shift.” Whoaaa. Cable and college radio was easy. This was a 50,000-watt station, heard from Sacramento to San Jose. I had to write down what I was going to say. Hey, I’m not proud. The last thing I wanted to do was screw up a 15-second spot. My only spot.

Pulled it off. Within a couple days, two buddies told me they heard me on the radio. Mom did, too. But didn’t know it was me. She said she was listening to my station, broadcasting news, some guy came on, said something, and went back to music. I said, “Mom, that was me.” Evidently, due to high-grade equipment, processors, equalizers, and compressors, my voice came out a little different.

“The best place to be in an earthquake is a stationary store.”

#275 - Ink Blot, Ink Blot

LaFevre was staring at his bathroom floor tiles, which resembled mitochondria, as if staring at human cells through a microscope. All tiles had the same pattern. But upon further review, smaller depictions could be seen in the patterns, in many shapes and forms.

LaFevre has seen and realized the ink blots don’t look like anything. Anyone who sees anything other than a butterfly, or plants, is nuts. Here’s why: the ink is splattered, and the paper folded in half. So the pic you see is a half ‘n’ half that is symmetrical. Both sides are mirror images of each other. All I see are butterflies. In the big picture, it means nothing, especially if every picture is a butterfly.

Of course, if any of you reading this, sees something other than what it is, which is ink, maybe a butterfly, well, you’re nuts.

Monday, November 21, 2011

#274 - Compostribution

The newest addition to the LaFevre Dictionary Of Contemporary Terms. Dedicated to the green cause, even if it is yellow. If common manure can be manipulated into fertilizer, as well as the dogs of the world, peeing upon a tree, and the tree doesn’t die, then it most certainly would be a compostribution on the part of LaFevre, to add his own to the environment. But only in extreme situations.

#273 - Tunnel Vision

Aptly named, for the lack of long-term focus on reaching the end. On the surface, they are merely a shortcut through a space, that would normally take twice, three, or more, times longer to get to where you’re going. But “tunnels”, have a much deeper meaning – philosophically and spiritually.

You enter a tunnel to get to the other side of whatever. Those who pass on, enter a tunnel from this life, to the other side. Those who have reached the end of their rope, for whatever reason, are also in the tunnel. Unfortunately, those caught in the tunnel, are caught up with the length of the tunnel, and fail to see the light at the end, thwarting their efforts to reach that end. You can’t see it because the tunnel has turns you must navigate.

There is always a light at the end. The time it takes, takes some time, but is of no consequence, because it is the light at the end that is all that matters. The light itself, is all you need, to get you through the tunnel. You may not see it, but it is there. The length of the tunnel is your challenge. The light is your prize. The tunnel itself, is merely a crossover. To a better place. If you have the time, and patience.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

#272 - Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Feeling stupid is but for the moment.
Acting stupid continues through the night.
But being stupid, lasts a lifetime.

#271 - Seeing Is Believing

Pricing. The worth of a product or service is what you are willing to pay for it. That’s an individual thing, regardless of what the seller thinks. You can bet the price is marked up over the actual cost anyway, but that’s capitalism, to make money, with which LaFevre has no problem.

The problem here is when the prices are non-existent, with the sole intention of the seller to issue their classic line: “if you have to ask, you can’t afford it.” LaFevre calls BULSHIT. LaFevre has his own retort: “If I have to ask, it’s not worth it.”

LaFevere retorts...

Dream on, Bullwinkle...

#270 - Jean Genie

Women make their pants so tight for them to get into,
that guys can never get into them.

#269 - Dreamstate

Ever talk in your sleep, only to wake, realizing you were talking in your sleep, but not before you finishing the point or argument you were making, only to finally stop after finishing what you had to say, just to make your point, only realizing the whole time, you were talking in your sleep?

#268 - Character

Character. Our lives are defined and built on character. It is said our characters are not born, but created, sculpted and molded. This is true. One could say it is a part of our DNA, ironically, to create our character to the point it is perceived as part of our DNA, even though it’s not.

The evolution of our character is a continuous journey, beginning in childhood, changing, alongside puberty, relationships with our peers, and on through adulthood. This evolvement has difficulties, unfortunately. One difficulty, in the early stages, is in determining how we wish to define our character, to start. This is due to our inability to find and decide just exactly what our character should be, at least for now. We think it is forever, without knowing we can change it at any time. Such is life as a teenager. Never said it would be easy.

The negative difficulty is far more serious, which many suffer from; and that is separating one’s character, the created, separate, character, from reality. The ultimate challenge is to separate that created character from our true selves, if that character is not a true representation of our actual selves.

“Character is what someone is willing to do, or does,
if they knew they wouldn’t, be caught.”
- Anonymous

“Just because you ARE a character doesn’t mean you HAVE character.”
- The Wolf, ” Pulp Fiction”

#267 - Worth The Price Of Gold

LaFevre was asked recently if he was still attending the event. Another time, if he was still going to assist.

LaFevre understands those who do make requests for service, are not used to people performing as requested, as promised. The 21st century has become a society of unreliability, with individuals blowing off commitments, then coming up with bullshit excuses.

LaFevre’s Promise #267 –

Unlike many in today’s world, Claw’s word is good as gold.

#266 - Bark Worse Than The Bite

LaFever remembers an old episode of Star Trek: New Generation, where everyone on board got sick. Worf, the resident Klingon, sneezed, resonating throughout the bridge. Everyone turned, and Work shrugged his shoulders and said, “Hey, I’m a Klingon”.

That is the sneeze of LaFevre. Loud, and reminiscent of a geyser. But there’s more to it than that. Unfortunately. LaFevre must remain focused and in control at all times, when in the throes of a sneeze, for a reason most others would never think of it. Why?

“LaFevre only has one only worry in the world, having your dentures accidentally fly out, in the middle of a sneeze.”

Tiger Claw says...

Who me? I’m nobody. And since nobody’s perfect, I must be then.

#265 - Big Brother

1984. Big brother is watching. Not as much as you think. LaFevre has been watching, as well. Watching the watchers. LaFevre sees the watchers as divided into three categories. Full-timers. Part-timers. And After-The-Facters. Yup, he used an ‘e’ instead of an ‘o’, obviously.

Here’s the deal with security cameras: the Full-timers are employed in banks, office buildings, and anywhere there needs to be someone watching at all times. The part-timers are employed, primarily for law enforcement purposes, on street corners, to catch ‘runners’, because they only activate on movement, when the light changes, to catch those running lights. ‘After-The-Fact’? That would be the rest of the cameras, when they need to cover a lot of ground, such as: mass transit (on busses, trains, and transit platforms), property, and retail establishments. Why? No manpower to sit there and monitor. This is why LaFevre refers to them as after-the-fact. The cameras tape, in the slowest speed, and recorded on disc, to be rewound and watched, AFTER something happens.

Better to be safe than sorry. At all times, whether by chance, or deliberate, someone is watching. Or recording.

#264 - Clockwatchers

LaFevre had a watch once. In high school. After it broke, never again. didn’t need one. All LaFevre had to do, if he had to at all was, look at any number of clocks nearby, or ask someone with a watch. He realized that the expense wasn’t worth it. It was a vanity thing. All he had to do was ask someone with a watch, what time it was.

But this is a double-fevism. Here is the second part: if you think about it, there are only two reasons to look at your watch or a clock – one, because we’re waiting for time to pass, and two, because we’re running out of time.

Patience. The windmill never strays in search of the wind.
- Chinese proverb

#263 - Lucky Kools

There is absolutely no reason whatsoever, rationally or logically, to take up smoking. Probably the most common reason is to look cool. This happens most often at a young age, due to pressures to be cool, thanks to our peers, and other sources, most notably, the media.

Unfortunately, fate, and irony take over from there. We grow up, mature, but continue to smoke, for addictive reasons, as well as other emotional and psychological reasons. The irony of it all is this: we started for vanity purposes, to ‘look cool’. We never stopped, even though we know it’s wrong, but continue do so because of the addictive impulse. Now, when we smoke, at least in public, we try to look cool doing so. The vicious circle rears its ugly head.

#262 - Hardway Or The Highway

Enlightenment comes more and sooner, to those who learn the hard way, as opposed to those who simply are seeking it. This is because enlightenment, in and of itself, is about cause and effect, action and reaction. One can seek enlightenment, and be given thoughts, theories, observations, etc, from others, but true enlightenment cannot be obtained until that one moment of experience that proves that theory, observation, etc.

Do not seek it, for it will most certainly find way or another.

#261 - The Fix

'Working on fixing it'. I always thought you are either 'working on it', or 'fixing it'. When I hear 'working on fixing it', that actually means you're not fixing it at all, but merely thinking about it before you start; hence, 'working on it'. Bottom line: 'working on it' actually means the opposite; otherwise, you would actually be fixing it."

LaFevere retorts...

What other people think of you, is none of your business.

#260 - 6-Quad Sufficiency

The latest new terminology in the LaFevre Contemporary Dictionary. It is common knowledge on the street, what the “40” represents. No one brand, but the bottle and it’s size, in question. “32”s don’t count. Only domestic, 6% beers come in “32”s. But those malt liquors that come in “40’s” that LaFevre loves so much, also comes in smaller sizes. 24-ounce cans, to be exact. But using “24” is unacceptable, since “40” is already in use to represent the size. So how do we represent the 24-ounce can?

LaFevre kept thinking “boxcars”, to use a term from the casinos, representing two sixes on the die rolled. But that’s only 12. “Double boxcars” would represent, but that’s too much for a nickname in the slang sense.

LaFevre gives you “Six-Quad”. Six times four is twenty-four. As in 24 ounces. Usage in context: “I raided my change because I couldn’t afford a 40, but had enough for a 6-quad.” LaFevre has said it before, and will say it again, you heard it here first.

#259 - Penthievery

There are 2 types of people: those who use the same pen all the time, and only replace it when it either runs out, or someone walks away with it, and those who walk away with other peoples' pens. But how do you tell the difference?

The ones who walk away with other peoples' pens, have a collection of pens in a pencil cup or coffee cup, and NO TWO PENS ARE ALIKE. They use one pen themselves, but when they are away from their desks, they use other peoples' pens, then walk away with them. When they get back to their desk, they put that pen in the cup with all the others they walked away with, never to use them again.

Of course, there is always the exception to every rule. Any pen that is promotional in nature is fair game.

#258 - Shopping

No one should shop when they're hungry. Why? The buying impulse in the hunger state results in unnecessary purchases in the short-term, with the intention of eating when one gets home. Unfortunately, too many items are purchased for this purpose, resulting in either spoilage of items not consumed when getting home, or over-consumption, to avoid spoilage in the long-term.

Or, as LaFevre sees it, guys will buy what they can eat when they get home; but ladies will buy what they can cook when they get home. Too bad it isn’t apparent to the ladies, guys won't eat when they get home, if the meal is cooked immediately, not because they were dragged along for the shopping spree, but more likely because they simply aren’t hungry.

Ladies: food can be a significant turn-on, but after a meal, all we want to do is vegetate, while the food is processed in the gastro-intestinal tract, which is why most countries have a two-hour siesta, in the workplace, immediately after lunch. The blood from the brain flows below, for this process. But not any further. So if you’re looking for action, you’ll just have to wait, like the proverbial pool urban legend about swimming after eating.

Monday, July 4, 2011

#257 - Bad Apple

There will always be at least one bad apple in every group. And this saying, compliments of LaFevre, sums it up: “There will always be one standout in the group, who isn’t happy unless they are miserable all the time.”

#256 - SwellCome

Huh?! New addition to the LaFevre Dictionary of Contemporary Terms. Created out of a typo. A combination of two words – swell and welcome. As in, “You are a swellcome sight for sore eyes!”

#255 - Waiting On A Friend

The decision to wait is an easy one. If you know how long you have to wait, then you know how long you’re willing to wait, which usually extends for a brief period after the designated time. But if you don’t know how long you have to wait, because a timeframe was not given, only wait the same amount of time as what you would have waited past the time designated. If that doesn’t make sense, I don’t have time to wait for you to get it. You have 15 minutes.

#254 - The Abyss

Do what you're supposed to do, not what you want to do. When climbing out of a hole, you're supposed to stay on track, focus, and use the branches, rocks and holes, that are there to assist you out of that hole. The rope that is thrown down, is from an unknown, external, detached source, and a distraction, and could drop you down further, ruining what progress you've made thus far. Forget the rope. Stick to the branches, rocks and holes.

#253 - The Double Deuce

A new version of an old catchphrase. As a chuggernaut (fevism #63), LaFevre occasionally strays from the classic “40”-ouncer, for the quick rush, time permitting, of the 24-ouncer. The “40” is a classic, and already embedded in the society hood vernacular. And while 12- and 16-ouncers are one-and-done on the spot, they are two small to get the job done. A 24-ouncer gets it done, when it is needed to be done so. And so it goes, it should be honored with its own nickname. since the “40” is already taken, LaFevre gives you the double deuce. Enter, the logic of LaFevre.

Double deuce is two 2’s. How does this translate to 24 ounces? Technically, it doesn’t. But when you are using an algorithm to explain a nickname, as long as you come close, from a left-field sorta way, it works. Double Deuce. Two 2’s, that add up to 4. 2, 4, equals 24. Ounces, that is. Nicknames are just that. And as such, don’t have to live up to the exact science of mathematics. Simply coming close is good enough. After all, aren’t nicknames for anyone and everything, a stretch of the imagination, but still relative to what it refers to, if not, an exaggeration thereof?

#252 - Fountain Of Youth

"The fountain of youth, as it is advertised, and passed down through the ages, is nothing more than a pipe dream, and at best, and urban legend. But it does exist, albeit, on a more ethereal, spiritual, personal level. The fountain of youth is inside each and every one of us. It is what flows through us, continuously, and that which keeps us. You have discovered the fountain of youth if, you live each day to the fullest, don't sweat the small stuff, take advantage of every opportunity, get up and dust yourself off after being knocked down, and remember this: whatever happens, mostly likely it isn't personal; and if it is, it's there problem, not yours.

#251 - Cat's Eyes

It appears cats don't have a visual sense of the self. I've seen several comedy videos of cats in fight mode when they see themselves in the mirror, which obviously means they don't recognize themselves as such, and believe what they're looking at, is something else.

What they DO recognize is you in the mirror, but not enough to realize it's only a reflection, since they don't understand that you are behind them, so they don't turnaround. Interesting topic for further research. Meanwhile, here's a song with that in mind (sung to MJ's version): “I'm looking at the cat in the mirror...”

Lunch Is Served - an excerpt from My Chequered Life, the LaFevere AutoBiography

Here’s the example I was talking about regarding talking my way in. Aggression never works. Neither does begging. There’s a point in time, in the fraction of a few seconds, when an opportunity presents itself. Divine intervention. The planets in line. Who knows. It just happens. You only get one chance. Use it or lose it.

During the beginning of the SF underground metal scene, a favorite haunting ground was the Record Vault. A used record shop where you could find any metal you wanted. Much of it was from overseas. They were often busted for selling bootlegs. Bands often held autograph signings there. Mercyful Fate from Denmark. Venom from England. These two hated each other. Both singers, King Diamond from Fate and Cronos from Venom. Both Satan worshippers. Fit my description. Two of my first acquisitions from the early days. Metallica. Slayer. Exodus. Possessed. Death Angel. Venom was in town, headlining a bill with Slayer and Exodus. Exodus backed out, as they often did. Possessed filled in. Most may not know this, but Larry Lalonde, guitarist for Primus, originally played for Possessed.

Venom was scheduled to appear at the Vault, along with Slayer. Liked Venom, loved Slayer. Took a half-day off from work. I managed to get their autographs before they had to leave for a soundcheck. Slayer was off to the side, drinking, with no one asking them for theirs. I was with my girlfriend at the time. Edna. Philippine-born hottie. We had just finished lunch, taking her leftovers with her. We walked over to Slayer’s table. They went nuts. Huh? They were starving and saw her Styrofoam leftover container. She immediately gave it up. Even though I already had tickets, I asked if there were still tickets available. Cheap me, looking for an extra ticket. They pointed me to their manager who then put me on their VIP guest list. When we got to the show that night, I got the passes and sold my other tickets. It wasn’t about the money. If it were about the money, I would have sold the VIP passes. I wanted those for myself. To this day, it stands as one of my all-time favorite shows.

#250 - Kid's English 101

What is a thorax? The preferred weapon of a Norse god.

#249 - The Trouble with Trouble

What people go through, to get things done, is seen by some as more trouble than it’s worth. That kind of trouble is relative, and subjective. What is trouble for some, is not much trouble for others. And for some, who don't consider it trouble at all, but merely just a little extra effort, it's the benefit in the end that makes it worthwhile, and worthy of the effort, in the end.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

#248 - Mistaken Identity

If you're in your 20's, you make the same mistakes, and still don't know any better..

If you're in your 30's, you still make some of the same mistakes,
but mostly intentionally so, which means they're not really mistakes at all,
simply because "you know better"..
But if you're in your 40's, or older, you don't make the same mistakes anymore, simply because you know better, which means..if you do the same things that were mistakes when you were younger, you do so now because you...
1 - know now how to avoid the circumstances of your actions,
2 - enjoy doing the same thing over and over, and/or..
3 - you're too stupid to recognize, after all this time,
how fucked up it is to be doing what you're doing, at your age...

#247 - Third Party Watch

LaFever recently heard a great analogy on theory. Here is the story:

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:
"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist. "I do" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no bloody use to anyone." The man below says "you must work in business."
"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where the hell you are, or where the hell you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
LaFevre loves this type of observation, and followed up with one his own, to the person who shared the above story:

“You must be in psychology. why yes, how did you know that? only a third party could tell everyone else what there problem is, no matter what field they're in.

Sunday, February 27, 2011

#246 - DIY Instructions

Do it yourself. Easier said than done. LaFevre has news for you. Get off your ass, pay attention, and “do it yourself”. LaFevre just purchased a high-ticket item – a stand-alone home gym. Moving parts, pulleys, cables, weights. The unit costs $300. Delivery was $80. but they wanted $140 for installation. LaFevre can handle delivery. $80 for in-house delivery, no work on his part. Or, rent a van for $20, and handle all the lifting into and out of the van, and up two flights of stairs. $80 – done.

But installation? $140? A third of the original cost of the unit itself? enter moment of enlightenment. There is a market for the business of installation, and the subsequent charges that accompany it. If you don’t wish to take the time but can afford to have someone else do it, why not. If you feel it is beneath you, but can afford to have someone else do it for you, do so, but you’re still a loser. But the worst is having someone do it because you can’t do it yourself, either because you’re lazy, can’t read instructions, or are simply all “all thumbs”.

LaFever paid for delivery, but waived the installation. Sorry, he can’t pay someone to do something he’s more than capable doing himself. And here’s why: if you have someone else do it, and, for whatever reason, you have to move it, which requires dis-assembling, you’ll have no clue, let alone trying to re-assemble it.

It’s really quite simple, for anything requiring assembly. Check the inventory listed. Pull out the tools required. Start with Step 1, and so on, etc. If you can do this, you’ll be successful. It’s one thing to pay someone else to do so, and impress your woman. But it’s way better to do so yourself, become the house handyman, and get laid after all is said and done.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Tiger Claw says...

Note to NFL: the next time you're looking for the perfect act to perform The Star Spangled Banner, cal The Claw. He will perform it note-for-note, flawlessly. You'll be able to hear a pin drop.

#245 - The Plan

“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.”

Plans are made, and changed, almost as frequently. Several times in one day, with the final outcome being either the original plan, or nothing at all, because no one can agree. Everyone involved, wants to do it their way, or at least have a say. And no one agrees with anyone else’s way, wholeheartedly, without at least having their own say. The original plan forms the basis for future changes, in the form of concessions, really, but in practice, concessions have to be made, in order to accommodate and placate everyone involved. The original plan is never same again. Except in one instance.

If you have a plan, and it requires going before a group of people, who must agree on it before it goes forward, and you want it to go forward without any changes whatsoever, make sure you got something on everyone involved, and call it in before the meeting. It’ll be the shortest and quietest meeting you ever had. “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse.”

#244 - Lost...But Not Forgotten

We all lose stuff over our lifetimes. Possessions, games, self-esteem. But there’s one loss that people claim, that isn’t a loss at all. And that’s something they could have had, but either didn’t grab it, or was too busy to do so. LaFevre has news for you: losing out on something, is no loss at all. It was never yours to begin with.

#243 - I Am The Keymaster

Aren't keys wonderful. Intended to keep something locked up or locked away, but we still carry them everywhere we go. We vacation in the Florida Keys, Key Largo, and Key West. We give away the keys to our hearts. We sing and play music in key. The most important part is the “key” component. But what is it about a key that keeps us from throwing it away?! Why do we feel guilty throwing it away?

LaFevre thinks the only time the key gets thrown out, and justifiably for a life sentence. Funny how the key of life, takes your life away.

#242 Nothin' But Hearseay

“I’ll tell ya somethin’, baby, that’s a fact;
you never see a hearse with a luggage rack.”
- Social Distortion, 2011’s “Can’t Take It With You”

LaFevre’s contribution:
“It may be a fact, there’s no hearse with luggage rack,
but that luggage in back, sure got a rack!”

Monday, January 3, 2011

#241 - A New Beginning, A New Dawn

New Year’s Resolution. Uh, yeah. LaFevre’s heard it all before. I will start doing this, I will quit doing that. The first time you fall off the wagon, you stop. Everyone resolves that they’ve failed, and it’s over. Well, LaFevre’s got news for you.

Those resolutions all of you make, should be a goal for the whole of next year. Not to be started, and if you fail, you give up; but something you start or begin, becomes short- or long-term for the remainder of the year.

You do something you swore to stop? Accept it and move on, by doing without. You’ve gone a month without beginning what you’ve promised? So start now, instead of waiting any longer.

Basically, LaFevre believes the resolution has become a dream that people wish for every year, with no hope of attaining, but by their very nature, not attaining it becomes no big deal. What a copout. The resolution, by its very nature of being something you’ve resolved yourself to do, should be considered as short-term/long-term goals, to be completed some time during the course of the year, or by year’s end.

I resolve: to lose fat, gain muscle, lower BP & cholesterol, clean out the closet, move, buy a used car, return to New Orleans, volunteer at SPCA...

LaFever Retorts...

Who me? I'm nobody.
And since nobody's perfect,
I must be perfect.