Monday, February 22, 2010

#198 - Dirty Laundry

Very appropriate. Money laundering. We’ve heard about it. We’ve seen it on film. Money, tossing and turning. But it’s more than that. Money in the laundry may be how the term originated, but it transcended to a newer meaning. The art of moving funds from one account to another, until it became legitimate, due to being untraceable.

But that’s beside the point. Why would anyone put money into a dryer? After all, as everyone knows, when paper goes through the wash, and then the dryer, all that’s left is a wad of mulch. You can’t pull it apart. You can’t decipher what it once was. But behold – money survives.

Lafever just did laundry. He also is extra careful to remove everything from the pockets. Well, for some reason, he missed a pocket. After going through the wash, AND the dryer, he felt something in one of the pant pockets. Lo & behold, folded money. A 5-spot, and 3 singles. In perfect condition. No fading. No sticking together. Crisp, US-issued, greenbacks that came out the same way as they entered. Booyah. Lunch money.

Moral of the story: the next time someone tells you something is not worth the paper it’s printed on, tell them it must not be CASH. Cuz CASH is, even when it’s run through the wash.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

#197 – Happy (glup) Valentine’s Day (slurp)

When I see my girl this weekend, I'll be giving her red tulips, instead of roses. And when she looks at me all confused, I'll ask her this: "But sweetheart, what's better than roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ." Don't try this at home.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

#196 - Ode To My Saints

Who Dat say what we can't do
In our hearts, we always knew;
And just like Indy's stats,
The excuses won't last,
Cuz my Saints came marching through...

Friday, February 5, 2010

Tiger Claw says...

No, this time, he doesn't say anything.
He howls, and growls,
at the top of his lungs,
with a deafening roar,
turning heads,
stopping everyone and everything, in their tracks,
for all to hear, and fear,
for this year, 2010, is the Year Of The Tiger,
and this time, he will not be denied,
because this time, TIGER CLAW...

#195 - Shitstorm

OK, these two are classified as an “unfevisms”, and relegated to mature-audiences-only, even if the subject matter is sophmorish. It can’t be “X-Rated”, since that’s reserved for porn, and too taboo/forbidden to be “R-Rated”; so it gets that least-used of all MPAA ratings, “NC-17”. Gross, toilet humor, literally; but LaFevre sees humor in everything, and spends a small amount of energy just keeping some things to himself, even though he knows it’s common knowledge. Everyone knows, but nobody talks about it.

#1 - Ever notice when you're sitting down for a #2, during the process, you feel your stomach shrink, and the bloating disappear? Everyone does, but nobody talks about it.

#2 – Don’t you hate it when you finish that #2, but because whatever it was that you ate, it resulted in at least 5 wipes, which seemed like enough at the time, or maybe not, but you couldn’t keep going, because it would result in two flushes, and if you had tried to do it all in one flush, you would run the risk of a backup; so you stopped, because it seemed like enough at the time; but lo and behold, two hours later, you need to go back for a couple more wipes, because, well, just because? Everyone does, but nobody talks about it.