Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Tiger Claw says...

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there, as the left-hand man, and I would rather not see you everyday.

#215 - See The Light, Know The Light

Another addition to the dictionary. Why LaFevre didn’t think of this long before now, but so be it. Sometimes it takes awhile to apply a material word to a realization, like a breath of fresh air in the cold, becoming steam in the process. Poetic, yes? Most call them inspirations. This term represents the inspiration LaFevre has, that evolves into a fevism. And that would be...the Fevision. Awright, quiet down. LaFevre’s ears are burning.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

#214 - Hocus Pocus

“No one who ever paid attention, suffered as a result of it;
unlike those who didn’t, and missed out altogether.”

Friday, June 25, 2010

#213 - Cafe Bacteria

Got milk? Then Got This? Got That? Everything is plagiarized. Rarely today is anything brand-spanking new. So in the interest of plagiaristic tradition, LaFevre gives you the next marketing package...for fat burners.

Remember the RAID commercials that even still run today, with those little animated cartoon pests that freak when RAID appears? Now they appear in medicine commercials, as mucus, bacteria, viruses, etc.

LaFever envisions these same parasites as FAT CELLS. After popping a fat-burner, it coats the body’s interior, similar to Pepto-Bismol, and the “fat cells” cry out in agony – “I’m melting”.

#212 - Sowing Seeds

No matter where LaFevre goes, there’s a fevism waiting to happen. Saw it on the bus today. Cigarette butts? No. Chewing tobacco? No. We’re talking “sunflower seeds”. LaFever can’t think of, at least at the moment, a worse food for several reasons: complete disregard to proper disposal, and the follow-up janitorial efforts. Here you have a seed, where the shell isn’t consumed, only the interior. The seed is too small to break apart individually, just to get to the interior, unlike pistachio’s, or walnuts, with help from a device. So the sunflower seed, or more accurately, seeds, since no one pops one seed at a time, are popped into the mouth, and more effort than is worth is undertaken just to get to that little nut inside. Where do the shells go? The floor. The ground.

Some will remove them by hand, but most consider that nasty and unsanitary, and would rather spit them out. On the floor. Or ground. ‘Scuse me? And any janitor will tell how difficult it is to clean it up. Ecchhh!!!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

#211 - Cat In The Hat

Not exactly. Never tell Tiger Claw “the cat was let out of the bag”, because the Claw will put you on the spot: “So why was the cat in the bag in the first place?” Hard to defend yourself on that one, without some sort of backlash.

LaFever Retorts...

We all know light travels faster than sound, which means a person may appear bright, until they remove all doubt when they speak.

#210 - White Noise

LaFever has always wanted to live above a corner bar. Deck and everything. He doesn’t mind the noise. Being born & raised in SF has had this effect, and the noise has become family. He’s often asked why, and has this to say: “If it’s too quiet, I can’t get to sleep!”

#209 - Systems Check

Let’s do a systems analysis here. There’s a system for everything. But the system LaFevre is referring to here, is the system that represents bureaucracy. A system that was built or created to bring order out of chaos, that ended up becoming the exact opposite of what it was designed to prevent. Progress. Now, the system is synonymous with Congress, er, the opposite of progress. Sorry, couldn’t resist. LaFevre could go on forever, but needed to stress the point behind “the system”.

LaFevre says: “You can’t truly beat the system until you’ve successfully cheated the system”. Examples could be given, but that would be foolish, dontcha think? After all, secrets cease to remain secrets when they’re revealed, right? One more thought, from the Book Of The LoongTao, “The knowledge a secret exists, is half the secret”. The best part is, y’all are still in the dark.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

#208 - Doggie-Do, Or Don't

Okay, LaFevre agrees. Dog owners are responsible for the mess their pets do while outside in public. But before LaFevre gets to his exception to the rule, he read someone else’s –ism, and was impressed. If aliens ever arrived, and, looking down, saw us humans picking up shit after their dogs, their first assumption would be the dogs are the master race and we the humans are their slaves. LMAO.

Now for the point. Pick it up off the street. Check. Pick it up off the grass. Check. Bushes? Not so fast. People don’t walk through, or sleep in, bushes. Bushes are the exception. Shit is organic and biodegradable. LaFevre says, leave it be.