Thursday, April 30, 2009

#144 - McDouble Standard

One of LaFevre’s favorite past-times is pointing out inconsistencies, misnomers, inadequacies, etc. After three occurrences, this one sells itself. Walk into any McDonald’s, and ask for a double cheeseburger. Advertised on the dollar menu. Easy, you ask? There’s a catch. Here’s the same conversation I have, just for the fun of it, every time I go to “Mickey D’s”.

“Double cheeseburger, please.”
I thought it was on the dollar menu.”
That’s the McDouble Cheeseburger.”
So, there’s a double cheeseburger, and a McDouble cheeseburger.”
“Well, geez, what’s the difference?”
“The double cheeseburger has two beef patties, and two slices of cheese. The McDouble has two beef patties, but only one slice of cheese.”

WTF?! LaFevre says, stick with the McDouble. If it’s only a buck, why pay an extra forty cents for an extra slice of processed American cheese. That’s a 40% markup. Again, WTF?!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

#141 - On The Fence

Conservative or liberal. Upper or lower. Inside or out. Left or right. Easy enough. Then there’s the in-betweeners. They can’t make up their minds. Decide, or drop out. Props to Chris Rock for showing you can be on one side for one thing, and the other side for another. “I’m against handguns, but for prostitution.” How can you argue with that?!

So LaFevre, being the classic Gemini, holds positions on both sides of issues. But it isn’t the issues, per se, that matter, but where he stands. Or how he responds. With him, it’s either “cut’n’dry”, or “sitting in left field”. Do you want a straight-shot, or the reasons why and philosophy behind it? If that’s not enough, maybe this will help – you want the shock treatment, or the meds?! Isn’t life grand?

LaFevre retorts...

It is LaFevre's sole purpose in life, to serve as a warning to others.

#140 - House Of Cards

LaFevre envisions a deck of cards that would sell like hotcakes, if he could get past copyright laws. Maybe if everyone involved would agree to an equal percentage of the pie, it could be done. Uh yeah. Picture this:

Ace: Carl’s Jr. star King: Burger King’s king
Queen: Dairy Queen’s lips Jack: Jack In The Box head
Joker: McDonald’s arches

And the 2 through ten? Logos from the other franchises: Wendy’s, Taco Bell, KFC, Wendy’s, Arby’s, Subway, Quizno’s, etc.

Funny how the top chains all use royalty in their marketing campaigns. But sadly, those who frequent those establishments are nothing more than peasants, manipulated by their quick and cheap availability. LaFevre sheds a tear.

#139 - Three's A Magic Number

Heavens above, Hell below, Purgatory, in between. LaFevre gives you another one of his way-from-left-field observations. The magic three are: “body”, “soul” and “spirit”. Upon death, these three transcend, in three different directions. The “body” transcends, or rather descends, to dust. The ultimate recycle. Organic matter, relegated back to the earth. Try not to think of decomposition as a bad thing here, ok folks?

This leaves the two ethereal, other-worldly, forms of human existence – the soul, and the spirit. Some see them as the same. Maybe so. But LaFevre believes differently; since the two are named differently for a reason. The spirit holds all the good in you, while the soul holds all the bad. No one is exempt from the misdeeds throughout life. Everyone must pay. The earth gets the body, God gets the spirit, and the devil gets your soul. Everyone is happy. Let’s call it a night.